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The most practical
advice for leaders is not to treat pawns like pawns, nor princes like
princes, but all persons like persons. - James MacGregor Burns
Here is a list of
things to avoid when dealing with others:
- Being patronizing.
This is praising people when it is clearly unwarranted, or using a tone
of voice that suggests that the individual is a lot better than he or
she in fact is.
- Using generalities.
Examples include: "You have a bad attitude," or "Your
work is seldom satisfactory."
- Using labels to
describe a person. Examples include phrases such as "You're paranoid,"
or "Your behaviour is neurotic." Playing psychologist belittles
others and does nothing to solve the problem.
- Being sarcastic.
This is an indirect way of dealing with a problem. It's better to be
more direct.
- Telling people
to do something instead of asking them to. People don't respond to being
treated like children.
- Railroading. Using
a position of power, fast pace, or poor logic to bully people into accepting
something.
- Threatening. Giving
a person an ultimatum. Explaining
why you want something done will always work better, especially if you
want to maintain a long-term relationship. Threatening is sometimes
appropriate with someone you are never likely to deal with again, but
even then should be used only as a last resort.
- Giving advice before
being asked. If you have an idea for someone, ask them if they would
be interested.
- Being vague. Be
specific. Give examples. Tell your listener what happened, when and
where it happened, and how often.
- Exaggerating. Using
words such as "always" or "never" might confirm
that there is a problem, but it makes the problem seem far worse than
it actually is. As a result, you will annoy people and cause them to
reject your idea or request.
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