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MURPHY'S
LAWS ON WORK
Don't
be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
You
can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Never
ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the
one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
When
the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking
about themselves.
Mother
said there would be days like this, but she never said there would
be so many.
Keep
your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong.
Everything
can be filed under "miscellaneous."
Never
delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
To
err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
Anyone
can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed
to be doing.
Important
letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
The
last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible
for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or
is fired.
There
is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is
always enough time to do it over.
The
more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization.
(For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational
Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...).
If
you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really
good, you will get out of it.
You
are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your
desk.
People
are always available for work in the past tense.
If
it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
At
work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the
number of pens that person is carrying.
When
you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
You
will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
No
one gets sick on Wednesdays.
When
confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by
reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle
this?"
The
longer the title, the less important the job.
Machines
that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
An
"acceptable" level of employment means that the government
economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Once
a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
All
vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.
Success
is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
Source:
AHAJOKES.COM., www.ahajokes.com/office_jokes.html
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